no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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