Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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