Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
