I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
