i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
