giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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