It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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