____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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