Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
