So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
