6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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