we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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