Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
