and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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