So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
