I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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