I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry about my life...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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