i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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