I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
