im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
