A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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