Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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