Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
