For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Randomize
