Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
