What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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