The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
