Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
