I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
me + whiskey = a bad person
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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