Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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