Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
