I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
