all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
