He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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