I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
