Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
