8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
