Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
