Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
