k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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