I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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