Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
