omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
