all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
