Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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