just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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