from now on my penis is your penis
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
