you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
