whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
