Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
