Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
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He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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