it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
