I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
