I wanna bring you to show and tell
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
