If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
