i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
