so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
