he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
