Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
