when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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