I cockslap morals
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
