Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She said her name was "party"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can't turn off my feet"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
