worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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