I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
