Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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