It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
wow bdsm is so cute
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
