pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
