Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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