It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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