i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
