Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
