Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
