All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
