As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
