I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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