Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
