i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
