She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We need to get me chipped asap
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
