Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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