i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
