So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
