You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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