You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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