don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
