this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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